1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ... - by Mr Croft
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:26
This thread was started February 12, 1999 11:40 AM
SoulStripper:
1) you lurk around the shadows of your house bashing family members on the head with small pillows..
Snoman:
2) You hear clicking at night and think there's a beachball-sized man-eating spider guarding loot right in the path of you and your bathroom.
Eon:
3) You sneak up on your family members in the dark, and hit them on the head with a half-eaten pizza... (The one you've been taking bites of during load time. Well, maybe it's not heavier but it's definetly harder! It got cold and stiff 'cause you didn't have time to eat it!!!... It did!)
Caine:
4) You instinctively dodge and roll when you hear someone belch to avoid the noxious fumes that will no doubtedly be coming out of their mouth in seconds.
Jennie:
5) As you drive into the parking lot you find yourself examining the local grocery store for ways to break in. Yeah, a rope arrow just there...
Sykophant:
6) You start making sly, and quick-witted comments, like me- err like Garrett
Caine:
7) As you stand against the wall at work you wait as people pass by and pretend to whack them over the head, just to keep in practice of course.
8) You are constantly looking around for Big Wooden Beams above you, just so that you know your not missing your chance to find something.
Digital Nightfall:
9) You begin to instinctively avoid floors that are not carpeted.
10) You remove all light bulbs from your home.
11) The word "Taffer" is a permanent addition to your daily vocabulary.
Zirnike:
12) When you need to fix your roof, you get a bow rather than a ladder.
Ekachai Jiaravanont:
13) You start treating your dog like a burrick.
Caine:
14) When a door opens you immediately look for a dark corner to hide in.
15) You make it a conscious effort to try and SNEAK into all of your co-workers offices/cubicles without being seen. Also, I have started to try to sneak in and out without being noticed. (I only have to sneak into the Executive's offices now, wish me luck)
Ghost:
16) When you pick up something by mistake you hurl it across the room because it's much easier than remembering how to just set it back down
El-NiNo:
17) You find yourself shooting moss arrows down the main hardwood hall of your house just so you can sneak to the fridge and loot it at 3:00 AM without wakin someone up. =)
.... or at least it would work that way at my house. )
plato:
18) You start walking down back alleys on your way to and from work because there are too many lights on the main road.
19) When you see a house with a balcony your first thought is how you can climb up there without the guards seeing you.
20) Start telling all your roomates there's a lost city somewhere under your house.
Spire:
21) You start calling your friends and family members "man-flesh".
22) You develop the unconscious habit of slamming doors noisily, since you're the only one who can hear them anyway.
23) When walking down the street, you stop to closely inspect every rock and pebble along the way to see if it lights up silver or gold.
ChickenHeart:
24) You cringe every time your wife and/or girlfriend removes her clothes for fear of seeing a bunch of growing vines, moss, grass, branches, leaves and stuff.
25) Your best friend tells you instead of buying Thief like you suggested, he buys Turok 2 - so you kill him.
Sykophant:
26) You suddenly find yourself watching the sunrise and sunset for a straight week considering that you'll be up from playing Thief to see em all
redEye:
27) two words: petty theft (the whole ladder thing i explained in another post ;-)
28) not only do you walk through shadows, but you look down for a little gem to see how well hidden you are.
caine? #4 is probably a good idea anyway
and ChickenHeart, you just scared me
but syko's #26 is all too true... damn you, LGS!
Arliza:
29) You now find yourself switching off the lights in your room by shooting water arrows at the bulbs.
30) When attending a funeral, you bring along a vial of holy water 'just in case'.
Sykophant:
31) You start reffering to your brothers as Murus and Martello...
32) You quote hammerite scripture at church.
Lazlo:
33) You go the the liquer store and spend an hour looking for the wine in the GOLD bottle, not the green.
34) You steal a pen from the bank teller and say "Since I'm in here I might as well pick up something for myself"
redEye:
35) you start thinking of other FPSs in terms of Thief... you know what i mean. thinking people can't see you in the shadows, checking the floor surfaces, sneaking up behind people (only works w/ the spy in TF), and comparing Thief to, say, HalfLife?
Sykophant:
36) Trying to lean around corners in other FPS's, egads it's quite annoying
Fift15n:
37) When someone insults you, you call them a flawed creation
38) You hum those catchy tunes as you walk down any hall
39) You find yourself randomly quoting people in the game subconsiosly (I do it sometimes )
JordanCS:
40) When you are in a place with shadows, you think about hiding, but then realize you aren't dressed all in black like Garrett, and anyone could spot you. (Wish I had all that damn thief like stuff!)
Faroohk:
41) You can do a perfect impression of Constantine, even when he reveals himself to you. "Viktoria, give mr. garrett his...compensation." (I scared my friends half to death doing that)
DEMON Messiah:
42) You find yourself creeping down the steet at night, getting really quiet and moving into the shadows when you hear someone approach (I love trench coats .
43) You find yourself having uncontrolable urges to sneak into peoples rooms, then after you go in, hiding in the closet when they come home and sneaking back out when they leave or have thier back turned (No comment .
44) You find yourself seriously weighing the benefits and consequences of actually becoming a thief, then remember your out of shape and just plain lazy (hehe).
ChickenHeart:
45) You are in the process of making love to your wife and right before she gives herself to you, you begin shouting in a deep, satanic voice, "Open for me!, Open for me!!, Open for MEEEEE!!! Thereby killing any chance of getting laid that evening.
46) You are at church and the minister starts reciting the Ten Commandments. When he gets to the part, "Thou shalt not steal", you begin laughing hystericaly.
47) You realize you haven't gotten your sweetheart anything for Valentines day, so you devise a plan to break into your local foundry at night to use the equipment so you can fashion her a nice little trinket. The resulting fire levels three city blocks.
Catalyst:
48) While in public places you note which people are carrying bows and which just have swords...
Nevermore:
49) When you are standing behind one of your friends, and they turn around to talk to ya, ya bolt like your ass has been set on fire. Or ya scream like a lil girl and start smacking them on the head with a blunt object repeatedly until ya kill 'em.
50) Ya stock up on holy water just before you go to a family reunion, just encase your relatives get ya cornered.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:27
Coot:
51) (Already used this one in an earlier post but I like it) : You imitate the drunk guards to entertain your kids
harrisben:
52) You start carrying around a thick blanket to muffle your footsteps on noisy surfaces
53) When you are sneaking through the shadows and are seen you run for the nearest water source but for some reason nobody follows you
54) When confronted with an enemy you try to lead them to someone else and pray that they will kill each other
55) you become afraid only of spiders that are bigger than your dog
Raven:
56 You try to lean round corners in real life and quake 2
Catalyst:
57) It becomes very difficult to do homework because when you go to pick up your book it doesn't glow...(same thing with doors, I haven't been able to leave this room since I got Thief. Luckily the computer is in here)
58) And when you finally DO pick it up you are confused when you don't find loose sheets of parchment paper inside.
Skapokalypse:
59) When you walk into your house when you come home, the first words that pop into your head are, "Stay in the shadows, avoid the light"
Cococlown:
59) You follow the postman after he has delivered your post to see whih depot he came from
nuboy:
60) when your looking for that munchie you know you hid in the fridge you start muttering "Don't make me come and find you"
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:28
otep:
61) You seriously consider carrying out the scenario mentioned in the MartThief thread.
(for those who may have missed this thread, try here: [url=http://x14.dejanews.com/[ST_rn=qs]/getdoc.xp?AN=418371260&CONTEXT=918945018.612434008&hitnum=0]http://x14.dejanews.com/[ST_rn=qs]/getdoc.xp?AN=418371260&CONTEXT=918945018.612434008&hitnum=0
Spring:
62) When ever you hear a car alarm go off, you pull out your sword and dash for the shadows.
Cybervamp1:
63) when you wife/husband/kid starts walking through the house calling your name and you shut down your monitor (lights are already off) and duck into a near by closet holding your kids sock'em bop'em and mubbling to yourself. "Don't turn around, just don't turn aroun."
ChickenHeart:
64) While attending a funeral, the crowd becomes horrified as you go to remove the deceased from the coffin and carry him down the hall. When the police officer asks you what the hell you thought you were doing, you calmly explain to him that you couldn't allow the corpse to be laying out in the open for everyone to see.
Koobze:
As soon as you finish playing another 3 hours of Thief, you
65) are momentarily blinded when you turn on the lights in your room and...
66) You cringe and look for a place to hide when you hear your EXTREMELY loud family speaking...
JordanCS:
67) You start unscrewing light bulbs in your house so the other people can't "relight the torches" and you
Sykophant:
68) You start seeing ghosts
69) AND you also start seeing Ghosts
Snoman:
Hah!
70) and wherever you post, the "ghost" always haunts you!
Ghost:
71) You kill dead things and they get right back up!
Catalyst:
72) You often find yourself contemplating the wooden beams above your head...
Sadism:
73) because Cococlown screwed up and posted a double #59! Anyway, here's what I have to say.
74) You paint the Trickster's symbol on your forehead and wear false horns and yellow contact lenses daily.
Coco Clown:
75) You get REALLY frustrated when playing other FPS's (Half Life in particular at the moment) and curse the designers for not including rope arrows (I LOVE those).
Catalyst:
76) Your father belches at the dinner table and you hightail it out of there before all those little circles drop your framerate to 2fps.
SliM:
77) you go to your local graveyard hoping to find lots of silver and gold hidden in a gigantic burial complex.
78) You actually own a blackjack/lockpicks/bow/etc
Cadfael:
Just acause Ayes does own some the aforementioned tools does not mean Aye plays to much. In fact Aye'' ave yer know that Aye learned to pick locks in the army, an lots o'folks have bows. Many normal people creep around at night without any bad intent at all. Its just a hobby like stamp collectin er raisin tropical fish (oh Aye said fish, easy friend yer'll get out o'the water. An Ayes sorry about offerin to shoot yer in the throat)
79) yer starts to talk about Garret's hairstyle.
redEye:
80) you start talking kanadian, like cadfael does
Shalinor:
81) You rig up a little rubberband bow and shoot paperclips at your cat, trying to guess at how much the paperclip hurts in different areas.
82) You start participating in "100 ways to tell you've been playing too much Thief" posts...
Keldar:
83) You forgets your realname and signs with Garret - Theif
84) You desperatly uses: Lynx a txt-only browser for Linux, to get past the school firewall and post a reply at this forum
Kyloe:
85) When you're on the night watch, you try not to whistle, knowing this could provoke a violent attack.
86) You rename your windows editor to 'DromEd' and pretend it's the real thing.
87) You start designing your own levels.
88) You share your levels with friends.
89) You look up mantling in the dictionary.
MarkA:
90) You take your new copy of Thief to a party and copy it onto your friend's computer, and then proceed to get drunker and drunker, as per the usual at parties, only you keep playing Thief, with messier results, until you're giggling hysterically and charging the front gate of Bafford's castle.
redEye:
91) like MarkA said in another thread (and like I've done many times) "This game is full of 'Thief moments' that you'll probably find yourself telling to friends who could care less."
Keef:
92) Your kids get you in trouble by playing games like 'You be a thief, and I just made a big hammer'.
(The SO just glared for minutes when she heard that. Sigh.)
Cybervamp1:
93) your watching tv when your 4 year old sneaks up behind you, whacks you in the head with a nerf bat, grabs the remote from your hand, switches the tv to the "Cartoon Network", then runs and jumps behind the couch then leans around the edge to see if you get up.
94) when you go to the store at night and park your car in the darkest parking spot.
95) while checking out at the store, you think to yourself, if I could only run that Thief trainer for unlimited money, and smile.
Catalyst:
96) You replay entire levels in your head in perfect detail while trying to go to sleep.
97) while doing this you missed 100 loot and spend the next 2 hours retracing your steps (in your head).
98) You FIND the missing 100 loot just before you doze off.
redEye:
99) You start to spend way too much time on Thief messageboards...
100) You realize that there's no such thing as too much Thief!
heehee... awww yeah.
may need a couple more, due to repeats, but we done good. now who's going to record this for posterity?
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:35
RazrBlade:
Ok, I know this one is over but I have
101) You play entire levels of Thief in your head, trying to find the optimum time to move between guard patrols while having a vasectomy to take your mind off the ominous snipping sounds.
Dangus:
102) When you see Catholic priests with their insence "bong", you hear it talking to you, telling you to release it from the hands of the oppressive fanatics.
103) You drive with your headlights off, so that no one else will see you comming.
104) You make a bunch of little hammerite dolls, then you stab them, and club them, and take them to a dark spot in the basement, and make a hammerite corpse pile, then laugh maniacally.
105) You spend 3 hours beating on the keeper that comes out to fence with you, and laugh so hard that you have a fatal heart attack.
106) You pirate the game, after you have already bought it, just so that you can feel like you are stealing it.
107) You start seeing ghosts around the house, but you don't worry cause your new sword can kill em up good.
108) Much to your cat's dismay, you ambush him and blackjack him with a stuffed sock.
109) You find yourself trying to climb on to your own roof, just to see if god made a mistake in the level.
110) You compulsively post on top "whatever" lists about how insane you are.
Andman:
111) You start drawing maps of your friends house before you are going over for a visit.
112) Before you visit your friend you sit in your dark room for hours, studying the maps, trying to find the best way in...
113) ...only to find out that you cannot get out of your own room because the door will not light up when you look at it.
114) You can`t understand why the homemade rope arrows you shoot in the ceiling will not hold you up when you try to climb them.
115) When people ask you to do a favour, you try to see if they have hooves instead of legs. You can never know if some relative of Constantine comes to take revenge...
116) You wonder if your old teacher is worth trying to kill, or if she just will get to her feet again and making moaning sounds.
117) You grab people you dont like and drop them down small puddles of water to watch them drown.
118) you cant understand why people start to curse and shout at you instead of attacking or dropping to the ground after you bumped them on the head with your homemade blackjack.
119) When you notice someone sees you sneaking around in the shadows, you wonder why they just stand there, looking weird at you instead of running for the guards or shouting for help.
Caine:
120) While on a weekend vacation you stress about the fact that in 2 days of not checking this board you will come back and there will be about 500 new messages to read.
Catalyst:
121) While playing AD&D you are asked to make a map of the cave system you just entered. At the heart of the cave (and after collecting the loot) your companions ask for the map in an effort to find the way out again. You produce only a piece of paper with a large circle drawn on it, it's labeled: CAVE. After receiving several threatening glares you reply in complete innocence, "What?"
(I just love the blank looks your friends give you when they ask where the automap is in Thief and you show them that rough square with a blue patch on it.)
yourdad:
122) ....You forget and let your beer get hot while playing!!!!!God help us all!
redEye:
123) You're standing in a nice big double doorway in a bit of a shadow. Your friend walks by with his back to you and begins to whistle, and you have the uncontrollable urge to thwack him upside the head. (true story, actually )
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:36
Marius:
124) You envy your pet snakes because they don't have to get up and go down the hall to use the bathroom...and they only have to go once a week.
Kyran Ward:
125) You become genuinely irritated when someone turns on the light and interrupts your game. You then get increasingly more and more frustrated as they yammer on and on about the so-called "real world."
126) You find yourself unconsciously humming that eerie tune the Hammerites are always whistling.
127) You know every single nook and cranny of the Bafford Mansion by heart because you played through that godforsaken place over and over and over again in the demo while you waited in frustrated agony for the local gaming store to at long last acquire a copy of Thief.
128) You sometimes reload saved games of Thief several times just to replay specific successful dispatchments of guards. ("Now I'll try a fire arrow/gas mine combination...")
129) You eat a loaf of bread and wonder why it doesn't sound like an apple when you bite into it.
130) When you aren't playing Thief, you're on the internet looking up Thief-related content.
131) You join this forum just so you can contribute to this damn list.
NightHawk:
132) You can understand Cadfael.
MarkA:
133) (May already have been used!) You decide one day to actually play a traditional FPS after days of playing Thief, and get your sorry rear end smacked around soundly because you were too busy trying to sneak up quietly on a group of headcrabs from Half-Life. (Happened to me last night )
redEye:
134) At dinner, you find a strangely shaped roll and lift it up - and your friend already knows that it's shaped exactly like a blackjack.
RobPilk:
135) You pluck out your own eyeball just to see if you retain full vision like Garrett.
136) During the daylight hours you collect;
a.your farts for your gas arrows
b.moss from the trees in your yard
c.water in zip-lock baggies
d.tooth floss (and twist it into rope)for your rope arrows
e.your kid's pinwheel noisemakers for those useless noisemaker arrows
f.paper clips to be fasioned into lock picks
g.keys for which everone has forgotten where they are used (doesn't everyone have all these old keys lying in some drawer or box, with the hopes that one day we'll remember what they went to?)
137) You try and decide whether it would be better to "jack" your boss in the back of the head or go for the backstab damage (hmmmm, can't remember if I'm playing Expert or Normal difficulty).
138) You find yourself practicing picking all the locks in your house.
139) You find yourself pointing at objects in the distance, and waiting for your eyes to starting "zooming" in on them.
140) You start perusing the local pawnshops hoping to make good contacts or find someone named Cutty.
141) Get lost while driving and try looking in the glove box for that walkthrough you downloaded "just-in-case".
eciton:
142) You buy a TNT card for that authentic Pitch Blackness.
143) You wear slippers on all occasions, to make less noise.
144) You throw out all clothes that aren't black.
145) You wrap your keys and small change in foam so they won't jingle and give you away to your close family.
146) You cut down the tree outside your house and unplug everything in your house so you can hear the guards' footsteps.
Raven:
147) You read all 146 clues and conclude that you have been playing thief way to much!
Jennie:
148) You hear the baby cry in the middle of the night and dream that you creep downstairs, shoot a gas arrow at the dresser next to the crib, then assume the problem is taken care of so you fall deep asleep again, and are really baffled when you actually wake up a few minutes later because he is still crying.
DEMON Messiah:
149) You can pick a lock in real life faster than Garett can in the game. (You started 'cause you wanted to be like him, but now you think you'd make an even better thief than him, until you try to get into a room full of people and find out that it's really, really hard to stay unnoticed. Damn people, too untrusting these days.)
lothril:
150) you spend £120 in a 3d card while being incredibly overdrawn (£800)and will not get any money for 2 months...ahhhh!
boXterduke:
151) Playing Return to Cathedral and going to get some water only to feel a hand pulling your arm at 5AM
Lytha:
152) You realize that you keep your breath when Garrett is diving in the weird water thing in Maw of Chaos - and you dont dare to gasp for air until he left the water because you fear to drown. When you dont make the jump in the first try, some of your brain cells die a horrible death caused by oxygen deficieny.
153) You decide to search for the sentence with the word "doetten" in your local snd.crf-file and find it immediatly, because you know the meaning of "ab1a3na5.wav" and must only listen through 6 files to get the right one.
(And you realize that you spent too much time in this forum when you join this thread.)
SoulStripper:
154) horrible mouse pad burns on you bottom fo your right pinky finger.
I cant belive this post is still kicking!
Catfish:
155 The arrow keys on the keypad don't pop back up when pressed. Hah!! Post # 100 !!!!!
Dangus:
156) You are on a thread that exceeds 100 posts..
Keldar:
157) You steal your kid´s plastic sword and carry it with you wherever you go, just in case...
Ghost:
158) you're running down the hallway (in the game) and see a guard, at the same time as you pull garret back into the shadows you lean back in your chair and hold your breath so he doesn't see or hear you...i've caught myself doing that...bet if you pay attention to your movements while playing you will too =P
NaeS:
159) You stack TEN! boxes on top of each other just to get to that space above the balcony that those archers stand on in the Manor.
Kyran Ward:
160) No matter where you are, you stop anyone who asks you something mid-question and ask "Wait, in Thief?"
Catalyst:
161) Ten boxes takes a lot of work to stack.
(I just went up the stairs myself.)
Huckeye:
162) You pick up a book, and are confused when it is longer than one page, and reads cohearently.
Keldar:
163) You acually remember your password to this forum
164) Your friends thinks that you have died, cause they don´t see you anymore.
165) You steal everything thay ain´t nailed to the floor
166) You sleep croutching becource you can´t lay down
Cadfael:
167) Some folk tells yer what it be and what it aint yer right to do and yer thinks to yerself "that be Hammerspeak if ever Aye heard it."
NightHawk:
168) You wish Quake2 and Half-Life had a blackjack, so you could knock some guy out and drag him away to put him in your "casualties-of-war" pile. {Ha! take that camper)
Dog Ma:
169 Despite your best intentions, you find you are having sexual fantasies about Viktoria.
Archdaemon:
170) You've read the previous 169 clues and if you aren't already doing them you think,"Hey, I should try that..."
171) You wonder how all these people on some odd and obscure internet forum know your every move... they've been watching from shadows better than your own!
172) If they don't talk like Cadfael, you don't know what they're saying.
173) You have a nervous breakdown at school, because there is absolutely nowhere to hide!
174) You found this forum in the first place.
175) You've bought copies for your friends, free of charge, just so they'll know what you're raving about.
176) You have a net party, get all your friends down and hooked up to your hub, all set to play a multiplayer shooter, but instead all load up thief and race each other.
177) If you step in a puddle or anything deeper, you are suddenly unable to fully utilize your hands...
178) It's midnight, cloudy, the blinds are closed, there's not a light in the house, you're wearing black clothing and sunglasses, and it's still not dark enough for you!
179) You've been treated on several occasions for injuries recieved while climbing rope arrows fashioned from those little plastic suction cup play bows.
180) You spend every second of every day obsessing over thief, and if someone tries to change the subject, you throw a vase to the floor to distract them and then beat them unconscious.
181) You have recently acquired both a criminal record and a court order to attend therapy.
182) You write Thief poetry:
I stole my neighbor's car last night,
after playing my new computer game.
He was evil so it's alright
but this poem is pretty lame.
183) You have "(Your Name) + Viktoria, 4Ever" tattooed on your ass. Well, Viktoria or Garrett, depending on your gender or preference.
184) You only recently learned that 'theif' is incorrect. Thief.. i before e, except if you're me, at which point bad habits stay with you forever.
185) You've read a ton of these clues and still manage to come up with a few original ones.
186) Your portfolio for the university art department scholarship consists only of Thief-inspired pieces... (wish me luck- hopefully the head of the department owns the game... if not.. think I should buy him one? Would that be construed as bribery? Help!)
187) The real world is simply a cutscene.
188) You've spent the last 3 weeks trying to create realistic Theif models in 3DStudioMax, but can't get his hood to look right!
189) You get the hood to look right.
190) The paintjob on your car is the same as the box cover, and you now call your auto the 'ThiefMobile of Ultimate Stealth", even though something on the axle is loose and it wakes everyone in the neighborhood when you start it up to run to the store at 4AM to get a frozen pizza 'cause you're really hungry but want something simple and tasty. Mmm.... frozen pizza...
191) The nightshift at the store knows your name.
192) You stop believing in God because the guy in church preaches that computer games are the tool of the devil.
193) You can't remember what job it is that you were recently fired from... did I even have a job? Maybe I'm supposed to be in school... What are these divorce papers? I was married?
194) Your computer crashes, all of your taxes are lost, all of your homework, all of your business records... but you don't care, because you backed up your Thief savegames. Wahoo!!!!
195) You've programmed your own version of Thief onto your school calculator (those of you with Texas Instruments graphing calculators know what I'm talking about).
196) You write an expert level walkthru, all loot included, in half an hour without even turning the game on. And it's accurate.
197) You name your baby Garrett. Your baby is female, but you don't care...twitch... it's name is Garrett! End of conversation. Ok, I'll consider Viktoria. But then she'll grow up evil, I tell you, evil!
198) You've removed every unneccessary key from your keyboard so that they don't get in the way.
199) You luv your fellow forum members enough to let someone else have the number 200. xoxo
JordanCS:
200) When chatting with Boojum or EvilSpirit, you put the picture of Laura or Tim from the credits in freeze frame so it seems like you're teleconferencing.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:36
Keldar:
201) U go insane when someone comes up with a secret that u did not know.
202) U have acually found all the loot at The Bonehoard, The Sword and Escape!
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:37
Andman:
203) When you actually have nothing more to post here, but post anyway just to get this topic to the top of the list.
Dangus:
204) Everytime your dog turns toward you, you dive for cover, expecting a spray of noxious gas to spew forth from the lil pup.
205) You have to stop yourself from robbing the church while everyone is in the chapel.
206) You start stealing things from yourself, just to see if you can get away with it, then realizing the strangness of this, just shrug and drink some more shroom tea.
207) You sneak up on someone in a well lit room only to be dissapointed that it wasn't your skill that allowed you to suceed, it was the fact that they were totally deaf.
208) You go to the beach and build sand castles and dedicate them to the Builder.
209) You wake up and see your family in the hall, and thinking they are ratmen/apemen, you blackjack them and scream, "Can't smell me now can you!!".
210) You start thinking of people on this forum as family, and occasionally call your real family, "RedEye", or "Ghost", or "boojum", etc..
211) When sneaking up on someone in the game, you swing your blackjack at them, then cursing your stupidity as you hit your monitor with your homemade blackjack.
212) You freak out when you are taking a trip and you look at the road map, and are certain that it must be a trick, as no one would make a map with this much detail without some sort of hidden agenda.
213) You have to go talk to your boss, and you suddenly picture him as Constantine, and freak out as he changes. Then you end up living in your car.
214) You go to a police academy, but you fail because in the shooting gallery, you keep sneaking up on the pop-up bad guys, and trying to club them with the butt of your gun, so it doesn't make as much noise.
215) Someone comes to rob your house, and you discover them, and tell them that you are going to have to call the gaurds if they don't stop blundering this job so bad.
216) When playing Armored Fist2, you try to "sneak" you tank column right up behind the enemy tanks, artillery, anti-tank towers, and fire-base. You die.
Catalyst:
217) You KO every guard in Constantine's house and drag them all outside JUST to take a screenshot of them.
Catfish:
218) You feel you can no longer stand the needless burrik slaughter and set up the FBI: Foundation for Burrik Inshrinement So WHO'S WITH ME!!!!!
kfgecko:
219) You walk around your house around 6 pm mumbling to yourself, "... when are they gonna bring me my dinnner? That's what I wanna know is when are they gonna bring me my dinner??..."
Lytha:
220) You join Catfishs FBI.
221) You wish you had a pet Burrick in your cellar.
222) You buy lots ot Lovecraft stories and read them in only one day.
223) You decide at 1:00 a.m. that you want to play RTC now, because you think now that this is one of the greatest maps of the game.
224) You decide that you dont want to finish that map in the easy way now, because the long way is scarier and because the night is still young.
Archdaemon:
225) Plastic surgery to look like your favorite Looking Glass employee. (Be afraid, EvilSpirit. Be very afraid.)
226) You refuse to post further 'top 1000 clues' messages because that would waste valuable Thief-playing time.
227) You post another one anyway, just because you can.
Lytha:
228) ... and at 6:15 a.m. you decide that Murus is the one and only problem in RTC - he caused you to deal this much damage. (329 dealt, that is too much!). You decide that you will try the map again, and then grab every loot before stealing eye. When you lock the main entrance (5 minutes before stealing the eye), you will be able to use the entrance as exit. No Murus = no damage dealt.
Sloth:
229) You understand what Lytha is talking about in #228
230) You challenge someone to a foot race and are beaten badly so you ask for a rematch this time with your opponenent wearing heavy armor and carrying a heavy sword when you lose a second time you call him a cheater grab his sword and try to kill him. Your unarmed oppenent promptly kicks your ass (of course)
231) You see a spider on the floor and decide to kill it with a rolled up newspaper. You swat at it and miss high. You try again this time taking careful aim considering all possible variables, and you miss low. After swatting at it 50 or 60 times the spider jumps over your head and bites you in the ass.
MarkA:
232) You don't just have a dream about Thief, you dream you are wandering around a Thief-like world underground, and it's not just a dream, it's a full-fledged toss and turn, wake up sweaty and horrified /nightmare/ that sticks with you for days, and somehow involves having to backstab Minsc from Baldur's Gate. Man, what a weird, weird dream....Remind me never to play any level set after The Sword late at night again...oy.
NightHawk:
233) Too much Thief, how can you have too much Thief???
GreyMouser:
234) Your monitor starts to freak but you don't worry 'cause playing "blind thief" could be the next big challenge.
235) and thinking about vision, you realize how appropiate it is you have no VR glasses because Garret has lost his depth vision anyway - or one of the glasses would have to go blank.
And you think of looking up the rights words in your Foley/van Dam for a posting on this board.
Neumann:
236) LIFE BECOMES BIG UNDERCOVER MISSION.
Lytha:
237) You play indeed the last 3 maps with absolutly no Gamma to get the half-blind feeling.
238) You finish the game once again. You enjoy yourself and hop up and down like a coward, just because you managed it with only 826 damage dealt in the whole game.
239) You feel so great and skilled now that you decide to play once again, this time as "Garrett - The psychopathic mass murderer".
Shadow-Holder:
240) When you sleep at night shadows of burricks , monkey men, Hammerites begin to dissolve out of the walls. You slowly pull your teddy bear out from under your pillow and attack the evil demons that have come to inavade your life, you hit you hit until no more.
Faroohk:
241) You've memorized Ramirez's pattern around his room so well that you can follow him around and never get caught.
242) You can repeat Ramirez's monologue verbatim.
243) You know Constantine's entire incantation ritual.
The Magpie:
244) You find yourself looking for glowing mushroom tea when you're out shopping.
245) Since you don't find any, you add some fabric softener to your regular tea and drink it under a fluorescent lamp to simulate the effect.
246) You consider writing a Lonely Planet guide to The City.
247) When swimming, you no longer dare to dive beneath the surface because the little green bubbles have vanished.
Lytha:
248) At work again, you are finally able to frighten some of your users in the local domain by sneaking into their offices without getting seen - until you are just beneath them.
249) Your co-workers say that you changed whilst your vacancy, and that such a long vacancy might not be good for you. (I really have to finish my psychic runthrough...)
250) You are part of a strange love triangle in this forum.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:38
Matéo:
251) You suddenly have a newfound respect for the stealth and tactics of O.J. Simpson, so you decide to give him a call to get some pointers. "Okay, so you reccomend a black ski cap, black leather gloves, and Bruno Mahli shoes..., I'll be sure to try those out on my next mission." (This is assuming you can get in touch with him, he's probably still busy hunting down the "real killers".
Matéo:
252) You will wear no shoes other than black wrestling shoes, for that extra bit of stealth they provide. (I am guilty of this one)
253) You work in what was once a mid 19th century armory, and you sometimes are there to close the place up and arm the security system, at which time you practice sneaking past the motion detectors. (I do work in a building like this, haven't tried beating the motion detectors, though).
254) No matter where you are, you always note which doors and floorboards creak when opened/stepped on.
Archdaemon:
255) "Laptop at your own mother's funeral" mean anything to anyone? And during the 'moment of silence', you start crying uncontrollably... because you didn't put the bridge across in Lost City...
256) Another Thief poem:
I have a wallet that isn't mine
and all new credit cards, too.
Used the cash for a parking fine
On the car I stole in #182.
redEye:
257) You've got at least one copy of this list on your HD for "backup purposes," or for easy access, so you can...
258) You use these clues as a checklist of things to do.
NightHawk:
259) Whenever you blackjack someone, you jump so that you get the cool stat "Knockouts while airborne" at the debriefing screen.
260) Whenever you blackjack someone, you jump so that you get the cool stat "Knockouts while airborne" on you Police Record.
redEye:
261) In Vegas or with friends, you can't take blackjack seriously... you always sneak up behind friends and try to hit 'em with the jack of clubs.
cynicle:
262) When you walk up to walls while sneaking around in school because your sluffing. You think you can lean out as far as you want without being seen
Archdaemon:
263) Another (sing this to Blues):
The patch won't work, but I don't care,
'cause none of my sorrows will it repair.
With Hardware On, the walls turn white,
realized on level 2 that this wasn't right.
I've got a 3dlabs chipset permedia 2;
When oh when is the next fix-it due?
Oh I got da blues.... yeah, videocard blues.
God I'm sick. That one was the worst yet...
Thumper:
264) You jump at the sound of your own voice.
265) When you're rearranging your furniture and such, you're puzzled by the fact that you can't get it to float just above the ground.
266) You are unable climb into bed. You have to get a running start and leap into it.
267) You replace your nice soft matress with one of wood.
Lytha:
268) You find your name in the Topic of at least 2 actual threads in the forum.
Keldar:
269) U can´t think of any other method to pick up girls, than releasing their brothers from prison.
270) U dig up the graves at the local garveyard, searching for the golden ribcage. (Where is it?????)
CHILLman:
271) You started a thread entitled "1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ........" and actually checked the "Check here to be notified by email whenever someone replies to your topic." option.
NightHawk:
272) Are amazed and puzzled to look down and see feet.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:39
Jyre:
273) You turn the forum into a multiplayer site
Catalyst:
274) Or the final battleground of Good and Evil...
redEye:
275) You notice strange real-life Thiefy-things (whoa! the pittsburgh penguins' coach is named Constantine! - kinda weak, but i like it anyway - and none of you can get rid of it! nanny-nanny-boo-boo! ;Þ) (shddup, DN )
276) Your favorite scene in Analyze This was where the guy whipped out a blackjack, just because.
277) You get the crazy idea that it would be better to play Thief hung over so you're more sensitive to light .
Dangus:
278) You go to the movies with a pocket full of blackjacks and bludgeon people who cruncha their popcorn too loud, haha. I swing the blackjack in the dark *swish* who it'll hit nobody knows. OOoof! There one hit!
Ninja:
279) You attempt to bring Thief into other games! (Namely EverQuest )
Lytha:
280) You are annoyed by a User at work. You decide that you should plan a revenge. Somehow, only Thief-like methods of revenge come into your mind: I.e. follow him to his home, grab his GoldCSticks, get some incriminating evidence.
281) You spent almost every lunchtime by discussing with your colleague whether Thief has great graphics or not. You do this since amost 4 weeks now.
282) You make this colleague indeed believe that Thief has great graphics.
JimmyTheHand:
283) Your cat just came out of a coma because you forgot to consider weight as a factor when you made a "Homemade" gas mine a little too strong...oooops
Teppic:
284) You start to look for ways into peoples houses when on your paper round.
285) You start to decide what equipment from the DIY boc you cn use as substitute swords and blackjacks.
286) You start to ask yourself, would I really kill?
Thumper:
287) You find yourself frantically trying to finish something because you hear footsteps coming down the hall.
288) You make a Windows theme where all the sounds are mapped to random giggles.
289) You turn away from a door as a guard walks by because you're afraid he'll see the glow.
290) You spend an hour trying to see if it is possible to blackjack a large spider.
Stonewall:
291) You chuckle while reading this thread, because even though you have actually done some of the things mentioned, you know YOU dont have a problem.
CHILLman:
Hmm.. only 9 more to 300. Let's see, here's one...
292) You walk outside, see this bright orange ball in the sky and say "What the hell is that!?"
rock-crawler:
293) After upgrading to a new 3d card (up from voodoo1 4mb to voodoo2 16 mb), you start up the game (replaying "sword") and seriously consider never playing again because it looks like the local "pd" are overhead shining their lights right on you, and you are getting REAL nervous about the lack of shadows. You can't just be happy that the picture is SOOOO much better, all you can think is "wherearetheshadows?""wherearetheshadows?""wherearetheshadows?""wherearetheshadows?""wherearetheshadows?".................
NemesisDED:
294) Just to see if you can do it, you spend 45 minutes firing rope arrows into the ceilings on RTC and then jumping from one to another. You achieve nothing but prove to yourself it can be done.
295) After reading stupidly innane and pointeless ideas like the aforementioned, you actually try them out for youself.
Ninja:
296) While at work, you spend more time reading the Thief forum than you do working!
297) While at home, you spend more time reading the Thief forum then actually playing Thief!
Anti-Light:
I guess I should finally add to this thread.
298) If you go to school. When at school, you try to walk very slowly and quietly in hopes of not getting caught by the Tafferized pricipal fpr being late. And when you get caught you wonder if Garrett had the sa,e trouble? Hmmm
PS I HAVE done this.
Snoman:
299) Do you know how long it takes to read a month's worth of threads???!!?
rock-crawler:
300 Yeehah!!) On EVERY SINGLE level you run around looking for crates and low walls to stack them against, and wooden walls/beams to shoot rope arrows into...... You KNOW theres nothing up there (most of the time, lost city) but you cannot resist taking a look.......